Thursday, April 12, 2018

An ode to Tom Hiddleston.
On finding my Loki.
I'm turning thirty next month and this is my crisis.


Sometime, a few years ago - round about the time at the release of The Avengers - I discovered the wonderful Tom Hiddleston and promptly made him my boyfriend. Sorry, Phil. 

The more I read about this English homeboy with the greasy Loki-wig (thankfully that changed by the time Thor: The Dark World rolled around!), the more I found myself relating to him. 

I turn thirty next month and the pic above perfectly personifies how I feel about this: utterly bewildered and no idea how I got here

With every year that passes my parents get older and my time with them comes nearer to its end than its beginning, my high school and university reunions go further into double-digits, people in my life - young people - start having children on purpose, I have more insurance policies than I ever thought I would need, health insurance for the first time in my life and the kind of bills that land in my inbox are the kind of things that I only ever heard my parents complain about. 

Turning thirty makes me feel like I have passed life's greatest test: the tumultuous BS of one's twenties. However, among all the existential crises, I am also excited for this new phase in my life and well... Tom Hiddleston has a lot to do with it. 

You see, Tom Hiddleston holds degrees from Cambridge University and the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art - he's an academic as much as he is an artist. He stands up for formal training and education in an industry that prizes luck above talent, he is successful in his field and a near-master of his craft because he has no other choice. Tom Hiddleston worked his ass off until he couldn't anymore and then... and then he was Loki. Until he was Loki.

Tom Hiddleston became Loki at 30.

A month before my thirtieth birthday, - Bachelor's Degree from one of the most prestigious creative institutions in the country in hand - I am working towards becoming Loki. 

A lot of my successes up until now have been big ones, but not the one... yet. I've had a steady stream of publications and accolades that have built me quite a reputation as a skilled, talented, hardworking photographer (photographer! who would've thought?!) but I'm still waiting for Loki. 
I'm still waiting for - working for- that one, big thing to kick me up a few notches. The challenge that will set me apart from my peers, the ultimate achievement. Sometimes I feel like I know what that is, sometimes I haven't the slightest idea where I'm going. 

But I will know a Loki when I see it. And at the moment, right now as of writing this, I feel like I'm on the horizon of a Loki-moment. 

I've worked hard - very, very hard. My entire life, my entire decade-long career as a photographer had led up to something that I can at the moment only feel in my gut but still have no idea what it is. 

The anticipation is killing me, because I don't know what's waiting for me and I don't know if it even is what I imagine it to be but whatever it is, may it be testament to how hard I've been working the past decade of my life. 

I've been working myself to the bone, suffered blood, sweat and tears, made sacrifices, lost and made friends, failed, been rejected, triumphed and seen and done things I could never have imagined doing had it not been for my life as a photographer - may my thirtieth year on this planet be the year where I get to be Loki

There's a lot more to this than just what I wrote here, but I want to speak prosperity into my thirties especially after the painful, terrifying and challenging years of my twenties. 

As a reminder to myself, here are Tom's words from a BAFTA interview: life is not a dress rehearsal.

And one of my favourite quotes by the man himself:
You never know what's around the corner, it could be everything or it could be nothing - you just keep putting one foot in front of the other and then one day you look back and you've climbed a mountain. - Tom Hiddleston

PS - Thanks for being Loki, Tom.
You really are a great Loki and we the fans, love you! Keep on inspiring us!